Beginning the path to owning our reactions

Recently I have been introduced to a great man who recently passed away Dr. Wayne Dyer. I had heard about him before and have even seen him on the Super Soul Sunday with Oprah. I had never read any of his books, but he was definitely someone I was interested in. This year has been full of changes for me personally, and while going through a dark period I read that he had passed away. I immediately downloaded an audio book, because I felt drawn to his knowledge.

He is considered a forward thinker,a transcendentalist. A man who believed without a doubt that you and I are in control or our lives. He speaks about leaving our past personal history and writing our own story, thus controlling our future. I am guilty of believing that since I came from a single parent household, became a young unwed mother and had sustained physical and emotional abuse in my relationships that I was limited in what I could become. I felt almost as if I wasn’t worthy because of my past to live in absolute peace and reach another leave of consciousness. I became used to the void I felt inside my heart and used to the constant pain from the wounds I refused to let heal.

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Recently after a lot of work on myself I have been able to experience a little bit of what he speaks of. I work hard trying to change my reactions to another persons actions. It is very challenging, because no matter what I know I am in control and I must own my reactions. Even if I fall short. This weekend was one of those times I fell short of rising above the negativity that was being brought to me and unfortunately came down to their level. I chose to set aside my current teachings and my ego took over. Even though I know that I am a spiritual being having a human experience, I allowed my body to take control. Anger and rage came out of me because I felt I did not deserve or wouldn’t allow to be treated(ego), by this person. Surprisingly, I do not see this as a setback, because ultimately it is in the past. In this ever changing world the incident is behind me and can not be undone, redone, forgotten or erased from time. Since my teachings are in their infancy, I know that things like this will happen. Next time I will hold steadfast and overcome my ego. I intend on mastering the teachings of Dr. Dyer, by continuing to work everyday to be better than I was yesterday spiritually and emotionally. This journey before me excites me because of the few positive benefits I have experienced in my life, my goal is to live as an instrument of peace. I will try my best and never give up. The effect I can have on the world are infinite and my burning desire will not allow me to give up.

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Meditation, My road to enlightenment Pt. 2

Recently, I have embarked on a challenge to complete Oprah and Deepak Chopra’s 21-Meditation Challenge. This was my first time to attempt meditation, but I was really interested in the benefits of something that was so unknown to me. In the past I have heard that meditation gives you a chance to connect with your self and rest your brain. To be honest despite the buzz I have heard about it I wasn’t a true believer. It seemed to me that people gave meditation too much credit.

Despite all of my unsure feelings I would like to report that I have successfully completed Oprah and Deepak Chopra’s 21-Day meditation challenge. YAY ME!!!!. I made the commitment and stuck to it. I enjoy my glass of wine in the evening, and have for years. During this challenge I added that I take a “break” from my glass of wine that I had known and loved for a while now. I wasn’t sure of myself completely, and didn’t think I could make it to the end. I did, a double challenge and I have the bragging rights as well as added confidence that I truly needed because I was successful.

Meditation opened me up to be aware of ME, to take a break from everything and focus on my breath and be in the now.This was not an easy task. Every night for 21 nights I set aside 20 minutes to quiet my mind and discover my true self. I know this sounds cliché and I hate cliché’s but this is true. If this something you have never experienced I suggest giving it a try a couple of times. I am not going to say once, because you have different experiences each time. Occasionally I was able to feel the full effect of a clear mind and a stillness in my body that brings awareness to the inner vibrations that we all have, the energy we all possess but usually are too busy to notice. I am now an avid meditator. I may not be able to meditate every day, but I try to meditate at least 3 times a week. Some days I am able to meditate twice a day. Learning how to get in tune with myself is one of the best discoveries of my life. Having this gift of meditation available to me is priceless and I appreciate those who share their experiences to allow others to want to have their own.

Meditation, my road to enlightenment Pt. 1

Over the years I have heard how important it is to take time out of your day to clear your mind in order to maintain a healthy body. I had heard this from one of my mentors Kimora Lee Simmons as well as from Oprah. I have watched movies like Eat, Pray, Love and find myself in awe if the act of meditation. I was intrigued by how calming people seem when they practice the art of meditation.
I knew I need to calm my brain, being a chronic insomniac had a little something to do with it. On a daily basis my mind races through my responsibilities. Constantly I am thinking about what I need to do, what I want to do and what has already been done. This has become overwhelming and I decided that I wanted to do something about it.

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I was reading on social media and saw that Oprah and Deepak Chopra were doing a 21-Day Meditation Challenge. This required that you sign up with your email address and the rest was FREE. I told myself I would attempt this challenge. This would be something I have never done before as much as I wanted to complete this task I knew it would take some serious effort on my part.

Regrets, why hindsight is 20/20

Today I received a blow that has me very scared and worried. Looking at my situation I see that this month is going to be very hard to make it, financially. Its christmas time and I have very little income and it is looking very sad for us. I haven’t been working for the past 6 months and felt that I didn’t want to work. I felt like I had given so much to my previous job and that they owed me unemployment. Which I gladly collected until it ran out. I received a lump sum of money and spent it on bills and things I wanted for the girls. I caught up on a lot and spent money freely. Spending money freely and not thinking about the future felt so good. The thing is I have done the opposite for so long and still ended up the same way. It’s always as if nothing balances out.

In the grand scheme of it all I am truly blessed. I feel a little down because I will not be able to do things as I would like to for Christmas, but I have my health. My children have their health, I am happy, they are happy. We truly have all that we need to survive. This would be the perfect year to make the season about giving. To instill in my children how important it is to appreciate what we have. This year we can do crafts, play games and spend quality time together. This is really whats important.

Maybe I should be have been more vigilant with looking for a job, but guess what I have worked and worked at good paying jobs, but still ended up in this same position every year. This year I made the choice to be home with the children, I choose to be at home so that I can try to make up for the time I have lost working so many hours and being away from them. During these years that I felt I was doing so much for them, but in the meantime I was sacrificing my mental health. I yelled a lot because my nerves were shot, I was depressed even though there was money coming in.

My life is a compilation of the choices I made when I was younger looking for love and validation. I never received it from outside, but have finally discovered it from within. I look back and feel that I could have done things different, but the truth is I enjoyed what I was doing. I enjoyed the life I was living at that moment so I can not play the victim. This is what I chose and I must live with and relish what has come out of it, because no matter how much I complain I can not get those moments back, I can not get the money back so whats the use? Hindsight is 20/20, but it has to be in order to allow me to see my past choices very clearly, and give me the choice to choose things differently. I am going to try to end this year on a high note, not to worry, whine or be sad about what I can not buy, but to be happy at all of the blessings I have gotten throughout the year and not justify all that I have endured and survived by how many presents are under the tree.

Girlfriends Vs. Relationships

After what was supposed to be a wonderful exciting fabulous weekend, I am torn. I am in the middle of an argument between my boyfriend and my best friend. Having caring girlfriends that have been in your life for over 10 years is a blessing. I have 5 really close girlfriends. We have our ups and downs, but no matter what they know I will be there for them and they will be there for me. This weekend we all attended a party in my honor to celebrate an important birthday. It was planned and organized to a T, from a venue, customized cake, professional make up and photography, and of course a beautiful outfit. Everything seemed to be perfect. All of my girlfriends came and we were having a ball with all of the other guests who were in attendance.

GirlfriendsAs a woman my girlfriends and I have been through so much together. We have seen each other have children, helped each other through tough times, bad breakups, and have told and kept secrets better than the CIA. The relationship I have with them is important. For me I often feel as if my relationships with my friends take precedence over my relationship of under two years with my boyfriend.  I love him don’t get me wrong.This is not because I feel that it’s a bad relationship, but this relationship is new compared to my ten years plus I share with each of my girlfriends.

Girlfriends1After the party we had a few drinks and were feeling good, until my boyfriend and I got into and argument. This argument escalated in a restaurant so I made the decision to leave our breakfast gathering that included my girlfriends and some of my family. Upon my exit my boyfriend who remained at the table, ans still upset went on to attempt to argue with my friends who had stayed behind. Very hurtful words were exchanged between them because they came to my defense. This caused my boyfriend and one of my closest friends to get into a very ugly heated argument.

I have had a few days to think and feel the distance that is growing between my friends and I. I feel hurt because these ladies have been there for me through trauma in my life that is unspeakable as well as many triumphs and I do not want to lose them. My boyfriend and I have resolved our argument because that’s usually what couples do, we realize that what we were arguing about was stupid, things got out of hand. As my friendships hang on with a thin string, I question myself. Should I mention this to my boyfriend? Should I demand we both apologize? The bonds that we have all built over the years should not be broken over a misunderstanding. As far as relationships and friendships go, I honestly think they should both be able to exist together, therefore choosing between the two for me would be a tragic choice I hope I never have to make.

Climbing the corporate ladder, how much power do you have?

So in the last 5 years I have been in the corporate world of management. I followed the rules, went to the meetings and learned from everyone I came in contact with. I thought the goal was to do your best so the higher ups will notice and offer promotions and raises(of course). Being in the hospitality industry, I know its booming and its not going anywhere so I felt secure.
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After moving my way up to 2nd in charge within a hotel I was abruptly FIRED. I was fired for no cause no reason, no act of dishonesty, but because the General Manager felt like it. I was there before he was and I knew more than he did, but he had the power to fire me and he did. I can’t help but feel as if all of my hard work was for nothing. Everything I sacrificed to climb my way to the top only to be knocked down without any notice.
I am adjusting to unemployment and becoming a statistic in our country, but as many can attest to times are hard. I thought I had earned the power and respect I had worked for but, corporate is for the thick skinned. I may not be there yet, but i am not giving up. Bigger and better opportunities are ahead…I can feel it.

To all the phone check victims of the world.

 

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My name is Tru and I am a victim of the phone check. My live in boyfriend and I have a relatively good relationship so I thought until I woke up to him cruising through my phone. I was half asleep the first time, so I didn’t realize what happened until I woke up hours later. As I recalled the events that happened previously I was shocked. I am not or have ever been a cheater, and don’t participate in shady activities such as secret phone calls and texts or after hours phone activity.

He seems as if he trusts me, but this clearly shows me that his trust level is very low. After talking to my girlfriends they feel its disrespectful and a violation of my privacy. Which I agree with because my friends and I talk about EVERYTHING. So by him going through my phone he doesn’t just violate my privacy but theirs as well. I talked to him about the importance of my boundaries, reinforced them, and announced that there will now be a pass code on my phone.

 He explained that he will work on trusting me, something that should have always been there because I have never given him a reason not to.Those are his issues, which he needs to quickly overcome. I have expressed my feelings and hopefully he heard me, trust is the foundation of a good relationship. Relationships are a lot of work, and at this point I don’t feel this is a deal breaker, because there are many good qualities that take precedence . Hopefully the trust comes, or else I may have to go.

Precious Time..How much do we have?

Those who know me know that I am the Queen of Procrastination. The crown is not one that I have strived for, but one that I must wear proudly because it is so true. As much as anyone I know that our time is not promised, I know that the time our loved ones, friends, family and even those people we barely know can be cut short, an accident can happen, nature can take its course and the unlimited time we thought we had can be taken away from us without any warning.

As the days go by so many of us make the choice to not divulge our deep feelings for the people around us. We assume that we have time more hours, more days, more weeks to say what is on our hearts. We put off doing the things that we don’t want to do and claim not to have time to do. The things that we feel make us vulnerable and usually make us feel uncomfortable for fear of being rejected or misunderstood, we put off in our attempt to buy time to gain courage and strength to say what we feel. Part of my personal transition has been to say what I feel. I have made the choice to use my voice to express the love for the people in my life. To express my appreciation, and show gratitude to those people who are in my life. Whether its daily, weekly, monthly or even yearly, those people who call themselves, my acquaintances, friends, even co-workers touch my life and make a difference in my life usually every day. I know that there are no accidents and even a bad experience is a learning experience, which benefit my life.
I have been afraid of not being prepared for the day I take my last breath. Until I do I am going to promise myself to continue living to be a blessing to someone, to bring laughter to the people around me and to be a shoulder to cry on when I need to be. We are all here for a purpose and the reason may never be known to us. It is up to us to use our time here, to be the best person we can be and to touch someone else’s life. We owe it to ourselves to go to bed every night with a clear heart and a sound mind, having not succumb to fear, but to have acknowledge our strength that we all possess.

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What is your sacrifice worth?

We, as the American people live in a society that unfortunately requires most people to have a form of sacrifice in our daily lives. Whether the sacrifice comes in because of your kids, your family, your job, there is sacrifice somewhere. We have a way of life that requires us to takes care of what we say we love. The word Love makes the sacrifice warranted and most times necessary.

Since you love you are willing to sacrifice for the people that you love. When you really think about sacrifice. We all sacrifice ,Love is the get away driver because Love is leading you to do what our heart wants. If there is something that needs to be done you are usually driven by sacrifice, desperation, and love, which translates indirectly to the want, desire, need concept.

In the end what you thought was a sacrifice, may ultimately be really strong, wants, desires, and needs. This changes what we thought was a negative situation into a positive purpose which will benefit you.